A VERY SERIOUS GUIDE TO TOLKIEN

The
Rizzmasillion

Everyone Makes the Worst Possible Decision for Several Ages

Tap a dotted-underlined brainrot name to reveal the original name, race/type, and a quick explanation. No glossary inside the chapters: figure it out as you go. 😌 Or flip a whole chapter into Tolkien’s names with the Names switch at the top of it, and back. The roster at the end has the whole cast, for afterwards.

The Silmarillion

  1. 01THE GROUP PROJECT
  2. 02ASSEMBLE THE VALOR SQUAD
  3. 03BIG LAMPS, BIG PROBLEMS
  4. 04THE ELVES SPAWN; MELVIN GOES TO REHAB
  5. 05FINN AND THE THREE ROCK PROBLEM
  6. 06THE OATH AND THE BOAT CRIMES
  7. 07FINN DISCOVERS OVEREXTENSION
  8. 08THE HIDDEN KINGDOM META
  9. 09BASED BEN HAS A GIRLFRIEND
  10. 10GOOD BOY VS. BAD WOLF LOGIC
  11. 11THE SHINY ROCK HEIST
  12. 12THE BATTLE WHERE EVERYTHING GETS WORSE
  13. 13TRAGIC TIM: THE CURSE HAS FORWARDING
  14. 14TRAGIC TIM: IT SOMEHOW GETS WORSE
  15. 15THE SHINY ROCK RUINS ANOTHER KINGDOM
  16. 16SECRET ELF HOA GETS LEAKED
  17. 17SPACEBOAT EDDIE CALLS THE GROWN-UPS
  18. 18THE GROWN-UPS FINALLY ARRIVE
  19. 19NÚMENOR PREMIUM
  20. 20SIGMAURON INVENTS BOSSY BLING
  21. 21SIGMAURON TESTS THE RINGS ON PEOPLE
  22. 22NÚMENOR PREMIUM CAPTURES THE DARK LORD
  23. 23ERIC PRESSES THE BIG BUTTON
  24. 24THE SEASON FINALE TEAM-UP
  25. 25POST-CREDITS SCENE
AFTERThe RosterEvery joke name in the book, grouped, with the Tolkien name it stands for and what they did.THENThe MapsArda at every age, from two lamps on two pillars to the map most people met first — including what the world looked like before and after somebody broke it.AND THENMelvin's Discord MachineChapter one's soundtrack with the lid off: set how much harmony and how much discord the world gets.AND LASTLYCreditsThe art and the prompts behind it, where the meme templates came from, and the lore summaries the whole book was built on.