Sigmauron came crawling back to Middle-earth after the whole Númenor Premium sinking thing, but this time he had zero drip. No fair face, no smooth operator vibe, just a hideous spirit that basically looked like the final boss of a bad horror game. He found that Gilbert Glowstick had been out here grinding levels the whole time, with Elves and Men spreading out like they owned the realm. The exiles from the drowned kingdom washed up on stormy waves, and they weren't about to let him cook unchecked.
Lentil Tallboy hit the north, linked up with Gilbert Glowstick in Elf Suburbs like old heads reuniting, and his crew set up shop in what would become Arnor. Down south, Izzy Yoink and Sunny Ari sailed up the Anduin, founded Gondor with Osgiliath as the main hub. They built Moon Tower and Minas Anor, basically twin fortresses watching each other's backs. These weren't just cities; they were the new meta for holding down the realm against the guy who clearly wanted it all.
The Premium Islander refugees had brought serious loot from the old country. Izzy Yoink had saved a seedling of the White Tree Jr., descended from White Tree Jr. itself, the white tree jr. that stood in the king's court before the island went under, and they planted it in Moon Tower. Even better, they unpacked seven palantíri, those seeing-stones that basically functioned like magical security cams. Three went to Lentil Tallboy, two each to the southern brothers. You could use them to peek at whatever another stone was near, or if you had strong enough will, just straight-up spy on anything you wanted. For a while, almost nothing Sigmauron tried stayed secret. The exiles were watching his every move like it was a group chat with read receipts on.
Sigmauron, still salty about getting bodied by the ocean and the whole "no more pretty face" situation, decided it was time to throw hands. He prepped for war against the Elves and these new Elf-friends who clearly weren't going to simp for him. He rolled up on Moon Tower hard, took the city, chopped down the White Tree Jr. like it owed him money. Izzy Yoink barely escaped with his family and a fresh seedling he yanked off it before it went down, sailing north to link up with Lentil Tallboy and beg for backup. Sunny Ari stayed behind holding Osgiliath like a last stand in ranked, but everyone knew he couldn't hold forever if Sigmauron kept coming.
It was obvious Sigmauron was about to speedrun conquering the free peoples one kingdom at a time. So Gilbert Glowstick and Lentil Tallboy said "nah" and formed the Season Finale Team-Up, the ultimate crossover event. Every living creature in Middle-earth basically got a forced team invite: you were either rolling with the good guys or you picked the dark side. They marched out and clashed on the field of Big Battle Field in one of the bloodiest battles anyone had ever seen. The Alliance won the day, pushed into Mordor, and settled in for a brutal seven-year siege. Losses were heavy. Sunny Ari caught a stray and died during the fighting, a gut-punch that hit the brothers' legacy hard.
- Lentil TallboySigmauron has been holed up in Evil HQ the entire siege. We've lost too many already. Sunny Ari...💀
- Izzy YoinkI know, father. His death weighs on me every day. But we can't let him win. The palantíri still show us his forces are cracking.🙏
- Gilbert GlowstickThe Enemy grows desperate. He will come forth soon. When he does, we end this.🔥
- Elliot Called-ItIf he steps on the field, we hit him with everything. No more hiding behind walls and orcs.🗡️
Finally Sigmauron had enough of the camping meta. He marched out himself in full dark lord armor, and the decisive clash went down. Gilbert Glowstick and Lentil Tallboy fought him together like absolute legends, but both fell in the fight. Lentil Tallboy's sword Snap Sword snapped under him as he went down. The battlefield went silent for a beat. Then Izzy Yoink grabbed the broken shard of Snap Sword and, in one of the most clutch moments in history, sliced the Alpha Ring right off Sigmauron's finger. Sigmauron's power collapsed. He was forced to ditch his body again and slink away as a powerless spirit, hiding for centuries. This moment marked the beginning of the Third Age. Most of his servants were wiped out, and Izzy Yoink planted the White Tree Jr. seedling in Minas Anor in memory of his brother. Still, the fear of Sigmauron lingered in everyone's hearts like a toxic ex who might slide back into the DMs someday.
After the victory, Izzy Yoink stood there holding the Ring, this shiny little band of absolute corruption. Elliot Called-It and Boatman Kier pulled him aside right there on the slopes of Mount Kaboom and told him straight up: drop it into the fires where it was made, destroy it now while the chance exists. He looked at them, nodded like he was listening, then said no. He claimed it as an heirloom for his kingdom, something to remember his father and brother by, and carried it off like it was just a sick family relic instead of the universe's worst participation trophy.
He set out north toward the lands that had been Lentil Tallboy's, far from Mordor, with a big escort. The road went through the Yoink River, and that's where the ambush hit. Orcs came out of nowhere. Nearly his whole party got slaughtered, including his three oldest sons. Izzy Yoink slipped on the Ring, turned invisible, and tried to swim the river to escape. But the Ring had other plans. It betrayed him, sliding off his finger at the worst possible second. The Orcs spotted him, shot him down, and that was it. Only three survivors made it back, one of them carrying the shards of Snap Sword that would wait for a much later king.
